"Yankees' recent failures pose mental-health risk for unsettled nation"

Bernie Lincicome's lament:

The Yankees are the only baseball team that is more important than baseball. How they fare on the field has a devout effect on the mental health of the nation.

We do not need to feel sorry for the Yankees. We need them to be what they have always been, something to resent, something safely distant.

We need them to be a surrogate villain, replacing neighbors or mothers-in-law, with whom there is no truce. We could think whatever we wanted to about the Yankees, call them any names we pleased, and they would not let their dogs off the leash or move in with us.

We would feel a lot less edgy if the Yankees were back up there, too good for their own good.

A winning Yankees baseball team is necessary for peace in our time. It is a proven fact that the divorce rate and pet abuse diminish when the Yankees win.