"Planning for the pandemic"

The Onion, via blog.bioethics.net:

"As the threat of avian influenza looms, federal and state officials are preparing for a possible pandemic...Here's what they're doing:

Removing all flagpoles, streetlights, power lines, branches, and anything else that could be used as a perch

Warning nation's children to stay away from any and all flu pandemics

If roasted chicken becomes infected, instructing families to build mashed-potato wall to prevent contamination of peas..."